4 Months

January 27, 2012

Dear Kate,

Four months old already! These months have flown by. You started daycare today and next week I have to go back to work. I would have thought that the second time around it would have been easier to drop you off at daycare. After all, I know from Nicky’s experience that even though I won’t be taking care of you all day you’ll still be well loved and well cared for, that it will be good for you to socialize with babies your age and to get used to other adults, and that I’ll still get to spend lots of time with you outside of school. But it’s still so hard! As I’m sitting here in the quiet house I keep remembering that you’re not just sleeping in the next room and it makes me miss you so much!

One benefit I’m hoping that we’ll get from daycare is that maybe you’ll starting eating more for them than you do for me. You have a very hard time eating when Nicky is around; you don’t like facing away from the room, I think it makes you feel vulnerable to potential surprises. Your brother is very good about not being aggressive with you, but he sometimes startles you with his exuberance. Sometimes I think you want to be a little owl; you try so hard to turn your head 180 degrees to watch the room when you’re nursing. You are a very dainty eater: while other 4 month olds might be eating 5-6 ounces during the day and sleeping all night long, you only eat 3-4 ounces at a time. To make up for your lack in volume, you just increase your frequency so that you’re eating around the clock. You’re still waking up every three hours at night. Every night for 120 nights so far… I think you might secretly be trying to kill me. It wasn’t so bad when I wasn’t working but it’s pretty clear you’re not going to make any progress in the next couple of days to make it any easier on me when I do go back to work. Yikes! We’re trying everything in our power to get more calories in you during the day but you are pretty stubborn when it comes to force feeding. We’ve started rice cereal but you react to that about like I would imagine anyone would react when someone shoves a spoonful of sludge in their mouth – you clamp your lips shut and spit out anything that makes it past your defenses. I guess I can’t blame you, that stuff is nasty! But I really would like it if you had some more food in your belly, if not for the sake of our nighttime sleep, at least so you can starting putting some more weight on, so we’ll keep trying.

While I’m pretty tired, you don’t seem to have any issues with our current schedule and you are as happy as can be. You discovered your laugh this month and you love to get tickled and play peek-a-boo. I love the giant smile that you get whenever I come into your line of vision. You’re pretty good at playing by yourself, but you would much rather have someone to talk to. You haven’t started to roll over yet, but you are starting to experiment with rudimentary scooting and can hold a sit for a little bit if you’re propped up just right. I’m enjoying your life pre-mobility as much as I can because it won’t be long before you’re up and moving around and then we’re going to be in for it!

You are such a sweet girl. You brighten up my days (and my nights!).

Love, Mommy

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